our new place and today's mama drama

People have been requesting that I post some pics of our new place. I finally got around to picking up a bit and taking some yesterday. No this is not how my house looks everyday I definitely picked up each room as I took these. So here we go. We own the second and third floors of the building so when you walk in you go straight up these stairs. Come on up!

This little sitting area is at the top of the stairs. I love it. The office is next to the sitting area. Its the perfect size for a desk and my work counter. This is my studio room from one angle. I love the fireplace. Its non functional but its beautiful.A different view of the studio. All the stuff you see is props. The firetruck was Shane's when he was little. The green child's chair I picked up at an antique store last week. On top of the hutch is an awesome old suitcase that I can't wait to put a baby in. I am working on getting a white couch and some of those carpet squares you put together to make a rug. The dining room is right next to the studio and can be separated by closing the huge pocket door that you can see. I love that because I can close it off when I'm doing a shoot and its white so it bounces the natural light in the room. This is the living room. This is the kitchen. Stairs up to the third floor. Little living space at the top of the stairs. master bedroom. Here is Monkey Pants , I mean Monkey no pants in her room. And Monkey no Pants destroying her room 5 seconds after I picked it up. This brings me to the rest of today's post. I had a bit of a melt down today. I think mom's all have days where you think, I don't think I can do this. I can't pick up that same shoe one more time or put the same books back on the shelf. I can't clean up any more sticky off the kitchen floor or step on one more cheerio. I spent a lot of time cleaning the kitchen yesterday and by the end of today it looked like a disaster again and I just kind of lost it. We haven't gotten the child locks on the cabinets yet and so Monkey came through there like a tornado, then she kept trying to climb inside the dishwasher, and the sink was overflowing with dirty dishes. Then I spilled sweet tea on the floor. Then I started crying.

I spend most of my time picking up after Marlie. Seriously, all day. She's just at that age. She's in everything. She doesn't really want to play with toys, just anything else. It is wearing me out. I must say no 100 times a day and I know she gets sick of hearing it and I sure am sick of saying it.

We have always talked about having more kids. When I think about adding another baby to the mix it sounds like a horrible idea. Of course I don't know what it is like to have a husband who is home in the evenings because Shane has been in school the whole time we have had Marlie. But, sometimes I wonder if I am just a one kid mom, and this is making me sad. I always imagined myself with a big warm comfy house, lots of kids around the table and homemade cookies for dessert. Now I'm not so sure. Am I just a selfish person and I can't handle all of the sacrifice? I'm not as good at this as I thought I'd be. I look at people like Jodie and think if she is handling 3 I shouldn't be struggling with 1.

My mom took Monkey for a few hours tonight and not a moment too soon. I am so thankful to have family here to help when I am on the edge. So, I took that time to pick up shoes and stuff and run to the hardware store.

Then, guess what happened when we got back home. I got Marlie out of her car seat and was slinging bags over my shoulders when she barfed everywhere. All over herself, me, all the bags. The perfect ending to a rough day. I am hoping it was just something she ate that didn't agree with her. She was driving me nuts all day and now I'm just worried sick about her. Thats being a mom in a nutshell I guess.